Cherish the Moments

3 minutes 21 seconds

That is how long I had to speak with him for the next 9 days. 

The conversation went a little like this:

"I will not be able to talk to you anymore till I return from the bush. I love you. I miss you. God is so faithful. Give the children hugs and kisses."

My husband then said a prayer over our family, and we said goodbye.

That was it. I hardly was able to say a word through the tears. But I knew he could tell everything I wanted to say. 

Oh, how I wanted to say much more. 

How I wanted him to know how proud I was of him.
How I can't wait to hear and see all the things God is guiding him to.
Don't forget to take your Malaria medication. (The mom in me)
Your sons love you and think you are the coolest for being there.
The support you have back home is incredible. 
The prayers you have interceding for you, is amazing. 

But you see, that would have taken so much longer than what we had. 

Time is a precious thing. It can drag on. It can fly by. One thing that is true, you can never get it back. Words left unsaid. Emotions never communicated. Amends never made.

Please do not let the precious minutes pass you by without always showing those you love how you really feel. Do not let bitterness and hurt hold you back from all God has in store for you. 

I truly wish I had more to say for this post.

Keep praying for our family. Pray for my husband. Pray for my children. 

Hope to be writing again soon...

Leaving on a Jetplane

As I place essentials in his bag with care, I prayed over each thing.

Seems a bit crazy praying over a shirt or Tylenol, but I didn't care.

A woman I once spoke with, whose husband went on a mission trip, gave me great advice. Each item in his suitcase I touched with my hands. I prayed that God would be over his trip in all ways. This was important to me. I can't be next to him, but I can make everything in that bag blessed through Jesus!

Since I can not be beside my husband while he spreads the love of Jesus Christ to the nations, I took serious care in making myself aware of everything he will need.

Proverbs 31:10-13
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and fax, and works with willing hands.

There is much more to the Proverbs 31 woman, that I continually strive to be. What stood out the most in these verses is, "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."

I pray daily my husband can confidently say his heart trusts me. I only want the greatest for him and his walk with God.

I try to make sure he lacks nothing. Whether it be spiritually, emotionally, or materially. 

As humans we fail, daily. However, it is because of God's great grace we are able to stand up tall and know we are still His children.

My husband extends grace to me daily. For that, I am thankful.

These next weeks will be difficult. As I try to show great strength for our children, I will be praying for even more strength for my husband.

Thank you for taking a moment to read in to my thoughts.

Love you all.

Counting Down

How does a wife prepare for her husband traveling 8500 miles across the world?

One day at a time. 

When my husband answered God call to "Go", I was thrilled. He has done many great things since we have walked down the aisle. But this. This was huge. Going into a foreign land, where you know no one, leaving many treasures behind is a big decision. The "yes" wasn't easy for him. God stirred in his heart for a very long time. After realizing you can only hide from God's will for so long, he made the leap. 

I could never explain the amount of faith it takes to allow God to have total control in your life. Even when our funding left us anxious, we pressed on in prayer and trust. God's faithfulness and love will always shine. 

1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.”

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Can I be honest with you for a second... Preparing for my other half to leave is the hardest thing I have ever had to do... 

• Think of it as him going on a long vacation. 
• The time will fly by, you will barely know he is gone.
• Just keep yourself busy, do lots of things with the kids.  

All lines I have heard. None of which will make the days easier, or the nights less lonely. What I do know is God will not leave me in this time. He will give a renewed strength each day. I find my hope in His promises. 
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I would love your prayers over our family, also. 

Over the next days, as we prepare for see-you-soon's, I will be in constant prayer. Praying over every situation he come into contact with. Every person he reaches his hand and heart to, will know God's love and just how precious they are in His eyes.

~Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Till next time. 

In the Midst of Grief

I will never forget the moment your heart stopped, and mine kept beating. -Unknown

Three years ago. It doesn't feel like three years. For me, it feels like three days.

When you walk by me, you would never know. Many have forgotten, more often, avoided. 

Loss has a tendency of making some uncomfortable. What I can tell you is the most uncomfortable...the silence. 

Three years ago we lost a precious angel. As I looked at her fragile body, I wept. I wept for the loss we experienced, but what I did not know at that moment, was the blessing God would overflow us with later. 

She was perfect. For 24 weeks, this little girl thrived inside me, in spite of what doctors continually told us. Each day I would pray this exact prayer: "God, I come to you, trusting that if Your will is to heal our child, I will be forever grateful, but God if you choose to take her home, I know it was Your plan".

This was a perfect prayer, in my opinion. I had both outcomes covered.. What I had not asked God for, is what I would soon need the most.

In June 2013, God chose to take her home. 

I spent time focusing on our son, my husband, and myself. I began to exercise and found healing in my body. I kept busy. Busy is good when you want to avoid your emotions. I volunteered more. Committed myself more. Anything that could occupy my mind. Because once my mind wandered, I had to face the loss. 

There aren't enough blogs, testimonies, books, or uplifting bible verses that can heal a broken heart.

I would sit awake at night crying.  My husband would be laying next to me, yet I couldn't have felt more alone. How do you talk to someone who experienced the same loss you did? How do you communicate your grief, when the person  beside you is just as heartbroken as you?

All I knew to do was to beg God for peace. Cry out to Him from the darkest place I had ever been in. To heal my heart and to give me the strength to take my wandering mind captive.

Did it happen immediately? No. Do I still struggle with "what if's"? Every. Single. Day.

The loss will never go away. But the pain in my heart subsides each day. I have learned that my strength comes only through an unfailing love from my creator.

More to come on the blessing God had awaiting us...

Till next time, 

Sidney

Who are you?

About Me

One evening I was sitting at a bible study and a question was asked. 

"Who are you?"

I answered as most would. A wife, mother, and friend. 

This talked only about the things I do.. Not who I am. 

I am a child of God. I chose to allow God to have control of my life. To use me for his glory. This has brought me to be a wife to a handsome, loving, wonderful man, a mother to two growing, ornery boys, and a friend to many caring souls. 

Most do not realize, when you are living in God's plan for your life, it is not always easy or comfortable. 

I count all my blessings. Yes. But I have had heartache. Even as a God-loving woman, I have doubted who God is, and why He would bring such pain to our life. 

There are many things I do not do.. I do not pray enough. I do not read my bible enough. I am not always patient enough with my children. I do not give my husband enough respect. 

I could go on...

However, God has not counted me lost. I DO put everything in His hands. I come to Him whole and broken. Trusting His promises and love. 

Asking each day, that God help fill in where I lack.

So, if you are feeling up to it, join me, as I share my journey on becoming a virtuous wife, mother, and friend. I can't promise it will always be uplifting, but I can promise to share my heart. In the end, He cares most about what is in our hearts. 

Sidney